Why do people depend on each other?
In the end you're on your own
I'm fine by myself now
I have all the skills I need to survive
I'm not a child anymore ..
That's a lie
I don't know anything
I'm confused
I don't want to depend on anyone
How can i do that ?
Someone tell me .. Someone?
So i'll end up depending on other after all .
One Week just seemed to whisk pass so fast... but the going thru of everyday yet seemed so slow....
Every where i go....everything i do...i look for traces of u....traces of things we once shared...we once went thru...hoping to bump into u....yet thinking the scenario would be awkward...
I hope u r doing fine...I pray to my beliefs that u will eat and slp well everyday...
I will live on well....thats a promise to u....i hope u will too..
Misses...
Squall Leonheart...
*1:38 PM .
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Have been you-tubing these few days... remembered the songs we commented, the songs we listened to...
not a single moment passed by without you in my mind....amazing how the mind works isnt it? hope you r still coping well....for sure i aint but it doesnt matter...
days passes slowly and nights seemed eternal.... how i wish all was just but a dream....and when i wake up... all nightmare vanished....
today's plan is just nothing....only dinner with family...the rest of the days spent in my room...not doing anything with end in mind....just aimlessly...
i kept re-reading our text messages...and reliving the gd moments...times where i just wish time stood still....
Road to where next?...I Duno....i wish i do....
Squall Leonheart...
*2:04 PM .
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Just feeling daze this couple of days...i lost direction....i stone in front of the computer...i cant concentrate...
i think i really need a few days of break....will it help though? i duno...
off to work...still miss u...
Squall Leonheart...
*8:33 AM .
Friday, September 16, 2011
I've been listening to these songs the last couple of days... it calms me somehow...A1 used to be very popular...now they r just a thing of the past... does everything becomes like that?...with the fading of time...things somehow...diminish? gone like the wind?...definitely not my feelings...it takes a second to know a person, but a lifetime to forget them...
I've thought long and hard about today's "challenge"... I realized I will nv come to a conclusion...both family and love r equally important to me...I can nv be able to choose and sacrifice between either...Being a traditional chinese....i value and treasure filial piety....not bcoz of obligation....but bcoz i saw how painstaking my parents brought me up...sacrificing themselves just so I could have the best... being a pisces...I am also very emotionally attached to my love one once I know who is the right person....
Having to choose between these 2 is nv easy....I duno how some ppl managed to do it...but definitely not for me...
I know I can forego my friends, my work, my everything for you...but I realized I cant do the same when it comes to family...perhaps its just the family bond is really strong...I'm not sure if my parents will ever b able to accept me for who I am or if they would suffer a heart attack should they find out...I dont want to risk it too coz I know they r not in their best of health....
I was thinking in the car for an hour earlier....I tot I could come up with an ans...but I really couldnt....I really feel that it would be very unfair to you if I cant even give u an ans to that....
For that past hour, I also thought through a lot of things. i start to question myself. I tell myself I will be committed, but how committed am I when I couldnt even decide on this. I questioned myself that am I really ready for a relationship? Can I really give my partner the best of everything? My partner has done so much for me, yet I have nothing to offer, except for the hurt I brought to you. Am I being very selfish, holding on to it when I keep making you suffer? Hurting you is really the last thing on my mind, yet I hurt you time and again.
Why is it that 2 people so deeply in love has got so many obstacles to overcome at the start of it? Why is it that I couldnt have done things right, right from the start? why is it that I couldnt be more sensitive to your feelings? Why is it that I couldnt be more expressive in the way I feel?
I remembered when we first met, the jokes you tell, the way you behave, your mannerisms, I realized thats what I like about u after that. how natural the feeling is when we first met. that ever shy face u cast to me when I looked at you. the playful hands holding.
How i wish I could go back to the past and undo things that have hurt you. Perhaps then it might have turned out better. We will have more memorable moments spending time bonding, instead of all the talks.
I nv regret you coming into my life, my greatest regret is only at myself not cherishing you well enough like how you cherish me. I have nv seen a guy love me so much with his life, and yet all I did is let him down time and again. I am just such a bastard.
哭過就好了...really? i doubt so ever. Because u had such an impact in my life, being the person which I can foresee my future with....yet its my stupidness to have thrown it all away.
I doubt I will fall in love again, because I will constantly question myself what 资格 do I have to b talking abt love again. I dun deserve ppl's love. I only cause hurt to ppl. and most importantly, I cant get over you.
I took 7 yrs hiatus before I entered into a new rs 2 yrs ago. I am not sure how long its gonna take this time, coz the feeling is just too deep. 2 weeks of knowing each other might be short, but the feelings I have for you is definitely genuine. No doubts about that and I hope you believe.
Thank you for coming into my life and bringing the joy of love with you. Thank you for making me realize the mistakes I made, the unwanted habits I should have long throw away, the valuable life lessons that you taught me. thank you for making me think. thank you for making me feel very loved. thank you for the blissful moments that we shared. thank you for your chances time and again. Thank you for being so magnanimous. Thank you for creating beautiful memories in my life. Thank you for wanting me be my bf. thank you for all your love you have showered on me. Thank you for all the sacrifices that you have made for me. Thank you for all that you have done for me. Thank you for everything.
千言万语, 一言难尽. 不舍得.
I still love you very much, and always will be.
Take care when I'm not around by yr side. Remember to have yr lunch regularly. Don't give yourself too much stress at work, you can sweat it off with a gd run. Dont run when you have cough. Learn to control yr temper better; you will find it easier to work when u can do it. Love yourself more, and love your family. Be strong.
我是真的真的很愛你 :~(
Squall Leonheart...
*1:18 AM .
Friday, September 9, 2011
The aftermath meeting is never easy....alas we met. I was quiet most of the time, taking in whatever you said word for word. Your constant reminders has struck me real hard in the heart; something i will definitely remember for life.
I still remember the part where you tell me about the birthday cake. When we celebrate each yr, its not just the wishes and presents that matters. What matters is that did we gain more wisdom? have we learn more?
Glad we spoke earlier on the phone again. Whilst patched, the final test now comes the trusting and test. Lots of clean up to do, and i will certainly clean up my life, to make it a better tomorrow :)
